Bunkum and balderdash enter the 'Plebgate' affair
It is now plain as a pikestaff that Mitchell was stitched up by lying police officers over the notorious Plebgate affair, back in September 2012. So why doesn't the Prime Minister give Andrew Mitchell his job back as Government chief whip without further ado?
Mitchell's own conduct on that fateful day was both rude and arrogant – for which he has apologised – but the police response was disgraceful, with officers resorting to gross falsehoods which, if undetected, would have completely destroyed Mitchell's already damaged political career.
So far, scandalously, no action has been taken against the officers involved – though that, of course, may change.
Restoring Mitchell to the job could also be done without upsetting any other ministers in the Cabinet. When Mitchell quit he was replaced by veteran Sir George Young, who thought he had retired from the front bench. So to return Sir George to the back benches, where I am sure he would like to be, and to put Mitchell back in the whips' office would be welcomed all round. To suggest this would influence any future litigation concerning the affair is bunkum and balderdash. It simply seems the right, proper and fair thing to do.
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Have staff at Conservative Central office surpassed themselves in lunacy? Are they actively campaigning to lose the next general election?
The bright sparks who work there are planning a YouTube cartoon featuring "Mystic Ed (Miliband) and his crystal Balls".
It may seem harmless enough, even vaguely amusing. But these clever-Dick attempts at political satire and humour invariably fall flat on their faces. Remember the Tories' "demon-eyed Blair" campaign? It resulted in a Labour landslide in 1997.
I can imagine everyone at the Tory headquarters thinking it is all a jolly wheeze, but someone should tell them, before it is too late, that it will bomb disastrously and cost the party votes.
David Cameron, in his infinite wisdom (or lack of it), "ring-fenced" Britain's overseas aid cash to ensure it was not the victim of the kind of cuts that have afflicted most Government departments.
It seemed a barmy enough idea at the time – but now it is worse than barmy. Because it appears that hard-earned taxpayers' money is, in some cases, being siphoned off via (you've guessed it) the European Union to help the security forces in Belarus – a country regarded as the last dictatorship in Europe, and a country still functioning like the USSR in the bad old days.
If this is not a full-blown scandal, I don't know what is.
There was some rejoicing on the Government front bench when the news came through that a judge had rejected the demands of two notorious criminals to be allowed to vote at elections while they were still serving prison sentences.
It was assumed, wrongly, I fear, that this was a landmark judgement which would put an end, once and for all, to this row. It is not so simple or straightforward as that.
The British Parliament, which plainly is against the idea of giving prisoners the vote, should be allowed to reach its own decision without interference from Europe. What is the point of Parliament and British courts reaching decisions if foreign bigwigs can interfere with them in this way, and overturn them?
Soon Brussels will be telling us how many dustbins we are supposed to have and what to put in them.
Oh, I spoke too soon. They already have.
It was said on behalf of Jo Swinson, the seven-month pregnant minister, that it would've been sexist for MPs to have offered her a seat in a crowded House of Commons the other day.
Well, if that is sexism, bring it on – let's have more of it!
The result was that Swinson had to remain standing throughout most of PMQs. To be fair, she never complained. But how can these selfish buffoons just sit there and ignore a woman in an advanced stage of pregnancy?
Some members of the sisterhood at Westminster – as I know to my cost – positively resent it when you hold a door open for them. Even so, I believe there should be more chivalry, courtesy and courtliness in the House of Commons than is evident now.